Asbestblog

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"Poems are just gay sentences."

Q: How do you get a guy interested in 7 pounds of fat?

A: Put a nipple on it.

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Rezept:

1. Man nehme einige Messlöffel (mehr ist mehr) extra starken Kaffee und gebe ihn in den Filter einer herkömmlichen Kaffeemaschine. Fülle nun kalkhaltiges Wasser in den dafür vorgesehenen Behälter und achte darauf, dass es nicht kocht und nur tröpfchenweise durch den Filter sickert.

2. Ist alles Wasser durchgelaufen, kannst du dich erst einmal anderen Dingen zuwenden, denn die entstandene Brühe sollte nun mindestens eine Stunde auf der Warmhalteplatte reduziert werden.

3. Anschließend schüttest du das Ergebnis in die dafür vorgesehene Tasse und lässt das Ganze nochmal 5 Minuten ruhen bis es lauwarm ist. Um das volle, bittere Aroma genießen zu können, verzichte auf weitere Zutaten wie Milch und Zucker. Und sollte dir die Plörre mal zu kalt werden - einfach ab in die Mikro.

Das war's. Fertig ist die 1A Plörre.

I am reading this great book.

blurb: "God's Doodle is the tale of the penis and the ups and downs of history - the macabre and the bloodcurling, the funny and the sad, distilled from myth, world cultures, religion, literature, science, medicine and contemporary life - all told with mordant wit."

A passage about castration: Abuse and betrayal have undeniably always driven some women to castrate men, needing no coercion to wield the knife. But such handiwork became a worldwide phenomenon from the early 1990s after John Wayne Bobbitt, a small-town former US Marine, had his penis cut off by his wife Lorena. Across America, and from China to Peru, copycat cases began to occur, with Thailand becoming the epicentre: by the end of the millennium, over a hundred cases had been reported to Thai police, who admitted there were probably many more but the victims preferred to keep their loss to themselves. Penises, and testicles, can of course be reattached and even returned to normal functioning - if, that is, they can be found. Bobbitt was lucky: his wife had thrown his penis over a hedge and it was recovered. A man in Alaska was equally lucky: his partner had flushed his down the toilet but it turned up at the local waterworks. In thirty-one of the above Thai cases Bangkok Hospital was able to give another meaning to 'friends reunited'. Other severed penises, however, had gone for ever - women had fed them to their ducks or chickens or put them in a blender or down the waste disposal. One man in India had to wave goodbye to his penis after his wife attached it to a helium balloon. (page 119)

Man have castrated other men for more reasons than bloodlust - principally to provide servants, guards, administrators and priests. The Carib Indians (who gave their name to the Caribbean) castrated boys captured from their enemies for culinary purposes. Removal of a male's testicles before puberty prevents the hormonal rush into adulthood. A cannibal people, the Carib appreciated that castrates' flesh remained unmuscular and therefore tender until such times as they went into the pot. (page 120)

A cowboy is riding across the plain one day, when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief, what are you doing there?" The chief answers in broken English "Buffalo come." The cowboy is astonished "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The chief replies "Ear sticky."

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