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Baked beans

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and caring woman, she would never allow this to carry on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later his car broke down on the way home from work. Since he lived in the country he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than he could stand. Since he still had miles to walk, he figured that he would walk off any ill effects by the time he reached home. So, he stopped at the diner and before he knew it, he had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. However upon arriving home he felt reasonably sure he could control it.

His wife seemed excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the table. He seated himself and just as she was about to remove the blindfold from her husband, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned. She then went to answer the phone. The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting him and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while his wife was out of the room he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. He took his napkin and fanned the air around him vigorously. Then, he shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded him of the smell of cabbage.

Keeping his ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, he went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of his freedom, he fanned the air a few more times with his napkin, placed it on his lap and folded his hands upon it, smiling contentedly to himself. He was the picture of innocence when his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked him if he peeked, and he assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and he was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish him a Happy Birthday!!!

An American, a Brit and a Chinese

So an American, a Brit, and a Chinese guy are stuck on a deserted island...the American turns to the other two and says, "Okay, we have to survive somehow until help arrives. I'll get some water to drink, the Brit should get some wood for the fire, and the Chinese guy should get some supplies for the shelter."

2 hours go by and the American and the British guy are back. They couldn't find the Chinese guy anywhere around, so they went around looking for him.

Searching for him, they walk around the whole island. Just as they had given up, the Chinese guy jumps out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"